More than Fine in 2009

I think I am on the verge of something BIG: my eyesight is slowly improving.

I am sure of it now.  I just closed my good eye and tried to read a chunk  of the newspaper.  

"G.M. essentially came under government control when it received its first federal loans from the Bush administration in late December..."  

I read that!  I could READ that. With only my bad eye!  No help from the other good eye!  It was amazing.  I want to read everything now.  But I won't because my right eye is now really tired after trying to read a measly paragraph. It's taking too long to read anything longer with just a gimpy eye.  Letters and lines are still swirly and wave-like, and it takes a minute for my brain to reorder them into the right sequence.  

You may think that this is a small accomplishment.  No, this is a BIG deal.   A couple months ago, I would have seen a dark circle in my central vision, resembling a solar eclipse of sorts.  But today, I can see colors and shapes and some letters.  Maybe they are all jumbly and a bit shadowed, but this is so much more than I had.  And though I am ecstatic, I must accept the sobering reality that there is indeed permanent damage to my retina.  I may regain some eyesight, but I will always have impaired vision because of retinal scarring.  

But let's not forget this wonderful moment.  I want to celebrate and throw a big party full of healthy food and things I can try to read.  Ok, not really.  But I am pretty excited.

In honor of today's great news, I would like to take moment to thank all the important folks who have helped my eyesight get to where it is today.

1) Thanks, crazy-healthy-strict-diet.  You make me eat inordinate amounts of tofu, brown rice, salmon, leafy green vegetables, green tea, and nasty vegan protein shakes.  I am actually getting sick of you, diet, and sometimes I really resent you. But you help me see (more of) the world.  So, I appreciate you, and I will continue this strange journey til death do us part.  Nevermind that I am constantly craving potato chips, french fries, soda, coffee, ice cream, candy, cake, chicken wings, burgers...

2) I'd also like to thank my health insurance plan.  You are awesome, health insurance.  You pay for my super expensive fish oil capsules and my ridiculous eye appointments which cost anywhere from $700-$6,000 a visit. My scary Avastin injections aren't so scary now that they only cost $15.  I can't wait to thank you after next year, when I get tenure and even better health insurance coverage.  

3) Thanks, doctors at Wills Eye. You guys have been taking care of me since 2004 and doing all sorts of things to make me feel better.  From steroids to cold and hot lasers and Avastin injections, you just want me to feel better.  And when those don't work, you tell me that I'm the sharpest MFC patient they've had and that my eye patch doesn't hamper my fashion at all (true story).  I like that.  I can't wait to see you again on June 22 and master that stupid eye chart.

4) Friends and family, you get thanks today too!  You all have been great and let me eat really healthy.  You go out of your way to cook vegetarian or fish for me, or research restaurants that have anti-inflammatory things to eat.   You ask me about the diet and don't make me feel bad about eating healthy.  And when I fall off the wagon, it's usually because it was my bad idea to begin with.  Ahem, except for one of you who trekked through NYC to fetch us some cigarettes...that was a bad idea, esp. because I don't remember how many I smoked and because I kind of liked it. This maybe worse than the bajillion drinks I had this weekend.   Did I mention I also ate chicken? And beef.  Crap.

Regardless, I am thrilled.  Finally, good things are happening in 2009.  Yesterday, a college friend asked me "On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you?"  Without hesitation, I said "I am a nine".  Another college friend told me she thought I looked "so healthy" and "radiantly serene".  

Well, if your eyesight was slowly returning, wouldn't you be all this, too?