Looking back, looking ahead

Sorry that I haven't been posting as frequently.  Being a teacher isn't conducive to maintaining a blog, but I will try to be more on top of this!

I bring bittersweet news.  In September, I had a check-up and an unsettling discovery. After conducting an OCT scan, my doctor found some fluid (blood) in the back of my eye.  However, he was unsure if this was anything new.  The office recently acquired a newer, higher resolution camera so he was not sure if the activity had always been there and the old technology could not detect it.  The other option, however, was that this could be a new round of hemorrhaging.

So, he told me to come back in December to see how the situation progressed.  Between those two appointments, I definitely noticed a decline in my vision.  It was harder to read for long periods of time, and my stamina for grading also decreased.  I was worried...and I even started a blog post about it.  But then, I never finished that post because it was almost too scary to think about it.  After all, I had been injection free since 2009.  I suppose I got too comfortable.

Two weeks ago, I went in for another appointment and could not make out the eye chart at all.  Another scan revealed definite activity, and I walked out with my first Avastin injection in years.  I return in mid-January to see if the injection worked.

So, what does this mean?  I go back and forth. Sometimes, I blame myself for not maintaining my anti-inflammatory diet "better". Sometimes, I curse the diet and think that it must have been a sham.  Sometimes, I think that maybe the diet did work and I should be grateful for the three years that I had relative calm.

As 2013 approaches, I find myself in an ironically similar spot to the one I was in when I first began this blog.  I have been making more deliberate steps to adhering to the diet.  For me, this has meant eating mainly vegetarian meals and cutting out a great deal of sugar.  However, the evil holidays have meant nothing but sweet treats everywhere I turn!  I also love baking, so it's been quite hard to stick to anti-inflammatory eating.  Who can resist these peanut butter cookies?!

I am hopeful though, and I promise that 2013 will be focused on taking care of myself.

Happy New Year, everyone!

A Lukewarm Appointment

Last Monday, I had an eye appointment to track the progress of my eye. After going through the usual pre-appointment anxiety attic (which included getting short with some of my students), I finally trekked on over to the doctor's. Here, I found out that my referral had never been processed, thus risking a cancellation of the appointment or forking over my credit card to absorb the charges. I figured that I wasn't going to waste all my time and anxiety, so I handed my credit card to the receptionist.

The day was off to a grand start.

Eventually, my eyes were dilated, and I was ushered into a technician's office. While I had 20/20 in my left "good" eye, I struggled to read pretty much everything with my right eye. I began to get a sinking feeling in my stomach, but I told myself that perhaps something had changed when I switched out my usual contacts for my occasional glasses. It was a nice consolation until I remembered that I read perfectly with my left eye.

The sinking feeling persisted when I finally saw the doctor. He was taking an awfully long time examining my eyes. Then, he took out a wooden stick and rammed it just below my bottom lashes to keep me from involuntarily flinching. It was becoming an atypical examination. Furthermore, he kept directing me to look down, leading me to believe that he saw something troubling.

While he did not see any evidence of wet macular degeneration (wet = presence of blood), he did notice that my vitreal jelly had begun pulling away. This means that I will most likely face a retinal detachment. However, whether the detachment occurs today or in a few years is unknown. All we could do was monitor it and hope for the best.

So, I'm calling the appointment lukewarm. I left without an Avastin injection, which is always good. But I also left knowing that my retina can detach any moment now. I am also beginning to wonder whether my right eye will always cook up something new for me to fret about. The complications seem endless and as I approach my 8th anniversary since diagnosis, I begin to wonder what else may be in store. 8 years sounds like a long time, but I'll probably still live much more than 8 years. What else can happen?