No Mo' Money

I'm so broke it hurts.  Since I began taking this alternative approach to my health problems, I feel like my money is slipping away.  Granted, it's hard to know if I've racked up more expenses or if it's the economy worsening at an alarming rate.  Both?  Either way, I'm living paycheck to paycheck.

When I first started acupuncture, I forked over $500 for 10 sessions.  At the time, it seemed like a small sum to pay for potentially lifetime benefits.  With twice-a-week appointments, well...the 10 sessions are rapidly running out.  My acupuncturist, Dr. Wang, told me that I could start coming once a week if I liked.  But she seemed a bit uncertain when she suggested this; after asking her if she thought I was ready for once a week, she admitted that I would benefit from another month of intensive sessions.  Even she acknowledged how costly this would be and told me that I could choose between once or twice a week.  Talk about being trapped between a rock and a hard place.  While I sure could use $500, I ended up agreeing to another round of twice-a-week sessions.  Dr. Wang believes that my situation is really serious and that an intense regimen of treatment now would help strengthen my body's ability to combat future inflammation.   It's like one of those corny credit card commercials: 10 sessions of acupuncture - $500...Vision - priceless.  In the end, I realized I had spent enough money on Avastin injections ($100 a pop after insurance), which involve a giant needle into the eyeball while fully awake and very scared.  And those certainly didn't work, and I'm not eager to sign up for any more. So, needle in the eye or needles all over my body...same difference.

So, is this acupuncture working?  I don't know.  As crazy as my condition sounds, it is totally painless and this makes it very hard to tell if the symptoms are improving or worsening.  The other day, Dr. Wang asked me to cover my good eye and look at her.  I was astonished by how much of her I saw--where once shadows and 'wavy smoke' dominated, I processed a full face.  I was thrilled, then I went home and tried to read with no success.  Dr. Wang tells me that I'll never regain my lost eyesight--I can only hope to maintain what I have.   

So, perhaps I was imagining that early successful episode.  My retina specialist tells me that sometimes it may seem like I have more inflammation than I actually do because my nerves are shot and misfiring light signals to my brain.  This is why sometimes I see more shadows while others more persistent flashing (like right after someone takes a picture).  This also explains why sometimes I feel like my life takes place at a dance club with a crazy strobe light (except not that much fun).  Most days, I see a combination of flashing and wavy shadows; the picture of the golfer is a very accurate representation.  Thankfully, my left eye sees fine and helps out the right one a lot; Leftie is my lil champ.  Thus, I can still process images correctly and lead a relatively normal life.  I can still read and only need larger text when I'm tired of staring at the computer, or when my eyes have been dilated after an appointment.  I don't drive...but honestly, I think I'd be a really dangerous driver even with two good eyes.  I get pedestrian sidewalk rage as it is...